Catsilo.com

Assholes Need Love Too

Thu, 27 Jan 2011 16:45:00 EDT

This post might get long, so here's a TL;DR version: Please go to http://donate.catsilo.com/ to help Recording for the Blind and Dyslexic raise money to better distribute audio text books not only to schools, but individuals who read differently, including students with dyslexia and ADHD. We'll be collecting donations for the next month or so. Any amount you can contribute would be AWESOME!!

So this comic is about me and it isn't about me. Yeah it's pretty self centered, and that's your Catsilo lesson for the week: I'm pretty. And self centered.

However I'm going to use this area to implore you all for some non-self centered help.

Since about April I've volunteered over at RFB&D first directing readers and then becoming a reader myself. I narrate training courses for 3M, and The Amazing Erica suggested I check the place out. Read books for blind people? Sure I'm down for that.

Turns out they have a much bigger vision than that. Despite being right next to the Texas School for the Blind and Visually Impaired, Recording for the Blind and Dyslexic is all about getting books into the ears of people who for one reason or another can't read the same as most people.

Turns out that about 1 in 5 Americans has a learning disability, and nearly half of those that do don't finish high school. Fuckin' depressing, eh?

Well, that's where RFB&D comes in. They are a 100% FREE resource of audiobooks for students of all ages. But you know, if you can read this, you can't get your hands on a free Audiobook version of Twilight or anything, so don't bother. Shit, *I* don't have access to it. But that's beside the point.

The point is this is bigger than Twilight (thank GOD). We record everything from beginner's reading books to post-graduate physics. No I'm not kidding. Specialists volunteer for that sort of thing, because I'll be damned if I know what half of those abbreviations mean. I did get to read a book about sound though, since I was the only guy at my shift that could read music, which was neat ^_^

But yeah, we do a lot of books at the request of the school next door, but we are only a chapter in a nationwide organization. I've read biographies on Muhammed Ali, books about the motivations of muti killers, and for better or worse, some dreck Glenn Beck wrote. Which is kind of amazing. I mean, think about it: good or bad, books are just containers of information. RFB&D isn't there to dictate what should be taught in schools, it's simply an output for information.

The point of all of this is Record-A-Thon is coming up. The first week of March we're going to try and keep every booth we have occupied and pumping out books from morning to night, every day. The fundraising isn't to keep the booth running or anything, volunteers do that. But it turns out the higher ups are looking to distribute the audiobooks not just on CD (which requires a special CD player to do, since every page is a track, and you can imagine how many fucking pages there are in a goddamn elementary school English book) but on iDevices and Android and such.

Basically my plea is this: help me, help US distribute all of the knowledge we can to those who need it most. Have you ever been frustrated when you tried to do something but failed?

What if that thing you failed at was reading? Fuck man, I don't read a lot of books, but I had to read a hell of a lot to get where I am today, and it would suck to not be successful just because I couldn't read the way that I was told I had to.

So please, throw a couple of sheckles into my virtual hat over at http://donate.catsilo.com/. It'll mean a lot to me, it'll mean a lot to the organization, but ultimately it'll mean a lot to all of us.

Thanks for being as amazing as you are. I promise I'll return to being a complete fucking asshole on this page in another couple of weeks.

And by come, I mean ejaculate onto a book

Church of Mac

Tue, 25 Jan 2011 14:28:00 EDT

Believe it or not, this is pretty much an apology directed at any Apple Lovers that I've offended the last 2 years or so I've been a "Hater."

Seriously.

I was debating with Ryan and Dustin and pretty much the entire rest of this AIM chat (no I'm not kidding we're all on AIM; long story). It was a standard "the iPad sucks!" versus "fuck you the iPad is awesome!" argument, which in turn becomes a standard "Apple sucks!" versus "fuck you Apple is awesome!" argument, but then Ryan made a comment that really struck a chord with me. To paraphrase:

"Why do Apple haters take my use of Apple products personally?"

I started to explain how Haters have an ideological problem with Apple and their business practices, and how when it comes to belief systems they inevitably form opinions and then action. The parallel I made was between Christians and Atheists; in Christian doctrine, man may ascend to Heaven only through his belief in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. Lots Of Capital Letters In Christianity, For Sure. It is thus part of their personal responsibility to make those they care about believers in Christ, so they too may go to Heaven.

What does this have to do with iPads? Well, there's a similar mentality here. I'm not saying Apple Lovers feel Steve Jobs is infallible, though I bet more Lovers believe in The Word Of Jobs than Catholics do in the Book of Job. I mean it more in that Apple has created its own culture, with unique identifiers and yes, belief structures, and that those outside of that culture view it with a combination of curiosity and confusion and disdain.

You mean to tell me this guy LITERALLY ROSE FROM THE DEAD. And then invited people to prod at his still open sores? And then you go and drink his blood every week? How am I supposed to NOT look at you like you're crazy?

Well, that's tolerance, friends. And that's where the apology part comes in.

I think Richard Dawkins is probably right. He's also pretty much a giant asshole. Wrong or right, he comes off as condescending and intolerant. He feels that religion actively promotes violence throughout the world, and he could be right. But because he sees it as a force for evil, he feels compelled to challenge it and prod at it and defeat it with his Gleaming Sword of Truth.

But you know what? Fuck it. If you believe a white dude in a robe created you and loves you and carries you through your trials and tribulations, whatever man. Could you be directly fueling atrocity throughout time all over the world? Yeah maybe, but your individual belief in this omnipotent force isn't causing it. It's the organization around your blind faith that is committing these crimes against morality.

If you believe a slate of glass performs every task you need it to do, and you have no moral or principle that runs counter to Apple's mission to vertically control the content you consume and create, whatever dude, that shouldn't hurt me. I believe Apple sets a bad precedent for this sort of thing; that they are essentially being rewarded for their bad behavior.

But that's no excuse for me to be a complete asshole to my friends for their choice in gadgetry.

Now, I'm not going to stop criticizing the company for being more controlling than the father of a hot Mormon on Prom Night, but I hereby apologize to any Lovers who I've offended, and renounce any intention to bring the battle to your doorstep.

Unless you start it.

Keep fightin' 'til I get there

Screw Apple

Tue, 25 Jan 2011 14:26:00 EDT

So yeah, it's been a week, and I'm trying to hold to an editorial calendar of Tuesdays and Thursdays. Consider this your first lesson of Catsilo.com: I'M HORRIBLY UNRELIABLE.

The second is that I don't really have an aim. Between current events and just how I feel at the moment, I'll just post 1-3 times a week when I think of funny shit.

Or just shit that pisses me off.

I swear I'm not all that much of a curmudgeon, but Jesus Fuck On a Shit Stick what the hell guys? Yes, lots of companies put tamper proof screws on their products. I don't know of another example of a company modifying your hardware without your knowledge to make it HARDER for you to fix, however.

If you're wondering, that chap in the second panel is George "geohot" Hotz, a pretty brilliant guy who keeps breaking the software / firmware side of this retarded battle between corporations and customers. He's being sued over essentially breaking his toy and putting it back together without anyone's help. Douche move, Sony. At least you're not pouring glue into the disc drive, I guess.

Between technology, politics, and sex, this JUST ABOUT sums up what I had in mind for Catsilo.com. And my life, if we're being honest.

Why does man go to hooker?

Rhetoric

Tue, 25 Jan 2011 14:24:00 EDT

Decided to play with the idea of labels a little bit today, as opposed to a single thought running through three panels. That'll probably still be the norm, but there's a LOT of labeling going on.

Oh, you thought I'd make a big deal about being gone for over two years. Not really my style. Well, I will say that a majority of people reading this probably had no idea I ever tried to launch a web comic. They're all still up, and way funnier than this one; this is more announcement that I'm back than an actual comic.

Fuck, apparently I am making a big deal out of it.

Anyway, this is obviously a big deal, one that will definitely be commented on ad nauseum, but more importantly should be analyzed and understood before we start allegations. The most egregious of which is obviously whether or not right wing (or as few allege, left wing) rhetoric fueled this crazypants's rampage. But another weird undertone I'm seeing over the last couple of days is a bit of hooplah over this "man" being a gamer.

A gamer! Perish the thought! Thankfully, this isn't a repeat of Columbine or even Virginia Tech; most sources seem to quickly dismiss the gamer question, but it still seems weird to me that it's even mentioned at all. It's apparently worth mentioning, just in case, that he played videogames. Sigh.

Dude is not right in the head. Unfortunately, while "ASSASSIN RETARDED, INCOHERENT" makes for a hilarious headline, it don't pay dem billz.

First Jamaican in the Kentucky Derby

VOTE

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:19:00 EDT

Words by Catsilo, art by Milsyobtaf

Glib, but hopefully funny nonetheless. Each side plays on some of the worst fears of the enemy, blah blah blah.

Master Chief

Tue, 06 May 2008 00:00:00 EDT

Sorry about the whole not updating for two weeks thing. It's been a busy time! Actually, I fell into the same trap that I always fall into - other interests. This time it was GTA IV, but next time, who knows? If I ever get a girlfriend, I don't want shit to just stop altogether. A special thanks to my hundreds of fans egging me on to update, I appreciate it guys. You may think it's harmless nagging, but knowing that anyone cares keeps me going.

That being said, this week's comic is a bit esoteric. I haven't done a straight up gaming comic yet, so this might be lost on some of you. Basically, it goes like this:

FPSes are derivative by nature. That being said, there are a paltry few shared milestones in FPS culture. Wolf 3D popularized the genre, and gave us many of the things we come to see today - the weapon or hand of the character on screen at all times, the HUD, the "start off in one place and keep going until you get to a loading screen" play mechanic. Wolf 3D however, did not invent the genre - and even one of id's own games, Catacomb 3-D, can be seen as an earlier attempt at many of these conventions. Yet thanks to the popularity of the shareware version of Wolf 3D, many of these other games get overlooked.

Halo did the same thing in a lot of ways to Timesplitters. Though many of my compatriots claim I overrate TimeSplitters and underrate Halo, I have to give credit where credit is due: TimeSplitters is more fun, and introduced things like dual wielding years before Halo did. It was one of the first console games I ever saw with a level editor. But it was not met with the same fanfare that Halo was. It's a shame really.

So that's me geeking out. In more personal terms, I think I'm going to go ahead with my plan and segregate drama.catsilo into its own spinoff. I have some (but not a lot) to say about my personal life, and it could help bring more of a personal touch on here. Think of it like a blog, except I think for a few minutes before I post.

Y no estoy satisfecho

Boomers

Mon, 21 Apr 2008 01:25:00 EDT

In case you're unaware, that obelisk that those touristy lookin' folks are crowded around marks the Canadian/US border at the 49th parallel. Trying to kill two birds with one stone is a lot harder than it looks. You have to get the ricochet off the first bird just right, and with as unpredictable as pigeons and grackles can get...well, you know what I'm trying to say.

So, some clarifications. First of all, yes, I know that the lotto only affects those people that don't have health insurance in the first place. It's not as if every man, woman, and child in Oregon needs to watch the nightly news to see if they can visit the dentist the next day or not.

And yes, I'm aware that technically, a Ponzi Scheme needs to be based off of basically a lie to produce immediate incredible profit to everyone that participates. However, it was the most succinct way of presenting the sad, sad fact that while we put in 12% of our paycheck to pay for the Baby Boomers' retirement, there really won't be a Social Security program for us the way we know it.

I do totally advocate dressing up like a ninja and randomly attacking anyone that's taking your money for no good goddamn reason though. *Sighs* Yeah, I know it's not EVERY Boomer's fault that we're in this mess, but I'm bitter to be on the bottom level of a pyramid scheme when it starts to crumble.

Haha, bitter.

I would like to take this time to remind any people in the future that happen to be reading this on the Wayback Machine or trying to drudge up horrible things to screw up any sort of political or corporate career I may be trying to make for myself, that I'm young and if I'm completely wrong and everyone knew what they were doing after all, that's fantastic. Nothing would please me more than being wrong on this - that the policies that were created before I was able to be an active voice for change and enforced until well after it was "too late." That would mean by the time something like this post could hurt me, politically or professionally or what have you, Social Security should have my back and I won't need to worry. I laughed for a solid minute after writing that.

From Austin's yellow brick road

Hedonism

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 23:49:00 EDT

I'd say in all honesty that I'm a hedonist first and a utilitarianist second. But goddamn, it's a close second. It should be pretty apparent if you've ever seen me in any sort of personal context that I pretty much do or say whatever I feel like. That leads some to grant me the title of "crazy" or "fish fucker" or what have you, but I'll have you know that I do these things with the best of intentions. Because they're fun and make me happy.

Now, there's a bit of a problem when it comes to things that make one happy that would rob another of pleasure. That's when my utilitarianist side kicks in - and I honestly weigh my happiness against the unhappiness of the other person. I think generally speaking, in all honesty, most of the time someone is sadder over loss than they are happy over gain. That's kind of inherent in the pawn shop industry, is it not? You sell what you no longer want, and you decide that whatever money you get is worth getting rid of junk. Or you sell something you really like in order to get more junk, and you end up regretting it later, but for now, there's no other way now is there stop talking give me the cash he'll only be there for another hour you prick.

Went off a bit there, sorry. Anyway, then you also have things that you know are bad FOR you but you want to do them anyway. Maybe it's a drug like alcohol or maybe it's a person or maybe it's a habit. Some people like to cut themselves - it's a compulsion, it feels good, let me do it, they say. At what point does that hedonism, this idea that you do whatever you want to your body to make yourself happy, at what point do we say "that's no longer ok?" I normally take a pretty hard line with that, and say until the day you die. But there's also a detriment to society, some say, this person who would otherwise contribute to society is now robbing us of their contributions if they weren't shooting up / cutting themselves / drunk at 10 A.M. The rebuttal is pretty simple, actually: it's rare that a person can contribute much if all they can think about is shooting up / cutting themselves / getting drunk anyway. The world is probably better off just being able to identify these people and allowing them to indulge themselves. At that point, utilitarianistically speaking (is that even a fucking word?), wouldn't their personal happiness go up, thus bringing up the Average Happiness Quotient (AHQ!) of society at large?

Where the baby thing came from, I have no idea. I've thought about eating a baby before, as all Americans I'm sure have, but I wouldn't actually know if they're tasty or not. I imagine they'd be more tender than most people, but that may be a bad thing depending on how you like your baby cooked. In a sandwich, not even deboned? That's sick mostly because I bet the bones aren't even crunchy - they'd be some sort of hard gristle, chewy and probably yummy but the thought of knowing that it's a bone would freak me out waaaay too much.

Yes yes, also that I'm eating a baby. That would also freak me out, I guess.

Can you lick my wounds please

Sombrero

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 00:52:00 EDT

Super special props to no post last Thursday. I started this comic ironically enough because I don't post enough in any sort of blogging apparatus to warrant its constant nature - always there, waiting for me to use it like some sort of pathetic twip.

Or like me. Whatever. If I wanted to bleed all over my readers I'd get a <¡-- put in cheap shot at LiveJournal before going to post.--> Seriously though. It seems as if racism is simply a veiled swipe at those who are a different class than us. Let's try this.

Think of a hick. Take a second. Imagine what his eyes look like. What's he wearing? What's he driving? I'll bet you he was probably wearing some sort of cheap denim, perhaps flannel, and maybe...is that a trucker hat? How stereotypical! Actually, that's kind of what a hick is. Alright, let's try this again.

How about a spic? Or a nigger? All of these words have very specific meanings in terms of class. A hick isn't a white person, a hick is a poor white person. A spic is a person of Latin American descent, that presumably can't even speak correctly because they can't afford grammar lessons, or just arrived on some goddamn innertube. And it's not a stretch to say that nigger cuts so deep in large part because of slavery.

A rich while oil tycoon might get called a hick every now and then, but it's probably coming from a person that wants to demean their class, not their race. You'd be hard pressed to call Alberto Gonzalez a spic. Try calling Barack Obama a nigger. Beyond being "offensive," all of these terms have much more to do with class than we're comfortable admitting. The argument gets made that racism will really never go away because people naturally are inclined to favor those that are similar to them. Skin color is one easy way of finding someone similar - hey, that guy is brown, just like me! We have so much in common! - however, I'll posit that most of us would rather hang around someone with a different skin color if they are in the same class as us. I'd be more uncomfortable about saying or doing the wrong thing around, say, Alberto Gonzalez than I would around a middle class college graduate of any color. And depending on your color, I'm guessing the same is true for you. You're more uncomfortable seeing people of your race begging for money in the streets than seeing people of a different color working in your building.

Unless he's the janitor.

Front rows, back rows gettin' trampled

Dinner Meat

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 00:00:00 EDT

Zobos

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:18:00 EDT

Special props to my homeboy Dustin for his excellent artwork today. I had the concept roughed out but was too busy to create the entire strip from scratch today. He took it from three panels of suck to what you see here. If you hate it, kill him and not me, if you love it, kill him and not me.

To clarify Thursday's post: I considered making a Venn diagram, but that would be even more assholish. Suffice it to say that being a hipster and wearing converse are not mutually exclusive.
To clarify today's post: zombies and hobos fascinate me. I saw a hobo on the corner of Anderson and Burnet the other day, and his sign took me by surprise.

NEED MONEY, WORK
(512) xxx-xxxx
Anything helps God Bless yadda yadda

I didn't get a chance to write down the number because I was at a green light and late for defensive driving, but it just struck me as much more awesome and yet much more sad than your every day hobo. Here's this guy, obviously an ex-professional with a cell phone (it was in a holster, which is a fashion no-no, but added to his authenticity in a way) literally begging for work. I could make some crack about the Bush economy and flare into angry rhetoric about national policy. But then this man would be a grain of rice in a giant bowl of stir-fried clusterfuck. Fuck that. We all fall on hard times, and yeah, maybe he'd be more effective at getting a job by combing through craigslist ads at a library or picking up a newspaper. It breaks my heart to think that the difference between me and a hobo is professional savvy. Or as Dr. Daly in Interpersonal Communications tells the story, a tragedy.

He told us a story about a homeless man he met on one of his many travels, a man he came to know and trust. The long and short of it was that the man was a Harvard Law graduate, and successful until an auto accident robbed him of his wife and only daughter. The aftermath was beyond physical - he lost the will to will. Nothing mattered. What difference was there between French cuisine and Mission soup without the two great loves of his life? It was his family that made his life worth living, and the rest of the world was incidental.

So, if I had infinity dollars, I'd try my best to convince our country of our domestic problems. Then, I'd lead a huge revolt of hobo pseudo-zombies to take over ivory towers, both metaphorically and literally. With enough hobos, we'd be UNSTOPPABLE.

Beware the birchmen

Hipsters

Thu, 27 Mar 2008 00:25:00 EDT

God, I fuckin' hate hipsters. Well, not hate, I'm friends with a whole bunch of 'em. I guess I relish the irony that the footwear for the uniform is almost double the cost of a pair of steel-toe leather workboots that look close enough to nice shoes I don't get hassled at work or at clubs. Except if they notice the rubber sole. Asshats.

Between those, constant drinking (even if it IS PBR *shudders*) and smoking, most hipsters spend more than I do on my weekly grocery / entertainment budget. Add in all of the trips to Central Market and Whole Foods - which aren't inherently bad or anything, just expensive - and I'm out of budget completely. I suppose I'm ok with the ethos - do anything to look cool, because it's a non-destructive form of hedonism, but let's call it what it is. It's not anti-consumer, no matter how much of your wardrobe was bought at Saver's. It's pretentiousness at the same level as incredible materialism, but at least with incredible materialism I can have nice things.

I'm totally going to steal this from Tycho.

Nickels

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 15:39:00 EDT

This is my first (third) comic, and my first news post. I think about sex a lot, as I'm sure all men do, but I consciously manifest that into conversation, as many men do not. I suppose this is me saying

1) I like clichés
2) I like Matt's mom
3) I like violence

But this is part of something bigger, I can feel it.